SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
by Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples
and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one
eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,
don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from
others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning
signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really
important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time
his or her flaws, vulnerary-abilities, pet peeves, and
difference will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and
evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let
every little thing bother you.You and your mate have many
different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses,
and strengths.
You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring
out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you
compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the
relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make
someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making
someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness
are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and
lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are
the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense
of humour, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without
business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared
activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important.
Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space
to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have
outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a
sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to
control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect
his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing,
the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse,
neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you
put the I.
